29 December 2009

Grief within my art

I find myself clinging onto everything, not wanting to let any little thing go for fear of losing her completely. Stupid, because I know I won't ever forget her. A mother's love is so unconditional - I want to hear her - I want to hug her - I want her back.

So much is going on inside me, my head is constantly going over and over and over everything. I can't seem to stop it. I cry for her, I cry for me, I cry for my girls, I cry for everyone who loved her and misses her, I even cry for the sadness my own sorrow spreads upon others.

I sit atop a dark tunnel, waiting for it to suck me in - it's my own tunnel, a tunnel of grief. The exit sign is behind me, I cannot see it - I know it's there, but don't want to turn and look. I'm not ready - I hold my head in my hands. I weep.

Here I hang, dangling from a noose - the noose is loose and doesn't strangle me. It protects me from slipping into the tunnel - the black hole. I am dangling, hanging - I am restricted and cannot go anywhere or do anything. It has a hold on me, not so tight to kill me, but enough to paralise me temporarily.

It's a circle of life, I am half in and half out - contemplating in which direction to move.
I want to go back, start over and feel alive.

I am having bad days, they are strung together like a twisted vine, tangled and muddled and hard to untangle - I feel splattered, scattered and shattered. Everything seems to be falling apart and I feel helpless to change any of it. I don't know what to do.


  1. Lorri, I am so glad you are expressing yourself through your art, I was hoping you would continue on with what you love. These cards are gorgeous.... :) xo

  2. Lorri,

    You are an amazing artist, this is shown through your work, continue with what you are doing as this is expressing what your inner soul wants too. I totally love what you have created here especially the untold sorrows at the top.


  3. Lori

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, your art and words show just how much grief you are dealing with.

    Keep creating and know our thoughts are with you.

    You do wonderful work and have inspired me to start creating.


  4. I really wish I had the right words to say. (((Lori)))

  5. Sorry you are so sad. I really like clinging. Thank you for visiting my blog. I really hope life gets better for you in 2010. I don't know what to say.

  6. "Grief within my Art" is so powerful Lorri. I felt your grief and I understand the yearning for your Mom. She is watching over this beautiful website and dancing with the angels. *hugs*


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