Grief within my art

CLINGING
I find myself clinging onto everything, not wanting to let any little thing go for fear of losing her completely. Stupid, because I know I won't ever forget her. A mother's love is so unconditional - I want to hear her - I want to hug her - I want her back.

So much is going on inside me, my head is constantly going over and over and over everything. I can't seem to stop it. I cry for her, I cry for me, I cry for my girls, I cry for everyone who loved her and misses her, I even cry for the sadness my own sorrow spreads upon others.

TUNNEL OF GRIEF
I sit atop a dark tunnel, waiting for it to suck me in - it's my own tunnel, a tunnel of grief. The exit sign is behind me, I cannot see it - I know it's there, but don't want to turn and look. I'm not ready - I hold my head in my hands. I weep.

HANGING
Here I hang, dangling from a noose - the noose is loose and doesn't strangle me. It protects me from slipping into the tunnel - the black hole. I am dangling, hanging - I am restricted and cannot go anywhere or do anything. It has a hold on me, not so tight to kill me, but enough to paralise me temporarily.

CIRCLE
It's a circle of life, I am half in and half out - contemplating in which direction to move.
I want to go back, start over and feel alive.

I am having bad days, they are strung together like a twisted vine, tangled and muddled and hard to untangle - I feel splattered, scattered and shattered. Everything seems to be falling apart and I feel helpless to change any of it. I don't know what to do.