31 October 2009

Feeling helpless, but blessed.

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments, support and prayers that have been sent my families way. The little messages on Facebook, here on my blog and via email mean so much to me. Thank you everyone for your love & support. I feel blessed to know you all. Please keep sending those prayers. xo

My Mum back in 50's - My absolute favourite photo :)
Update on Mum:

It's been 11 days since my last post.
My Mum isn't doing too well :(
We went to see the Oncologist at Royal Perth Hospital on Thursday. We didn't get much information - except to confirm the worst. The Dr was rather serious, but seems very thorough. He has organised for a CT Scan from my Mum's waist up - to check her lungs (He did indicate that's where he thinks her Main cancer is) but he also want's to check her Brain because of the headaches and nausea she has been having. He organised for a blood test, which she had on Thursday.
A lung function test has also been ordered - which Mum has had several times before due to her already failing lungs. Two years ago Mum was diagnosed with Interstitial Pneumonia, Pulmonary Fibrosis (Honeycomb Lung) and Emphysema!
Once the results are back from the CT scans, the Dr is then going to determine if he can do a biopsy into an area with cancer to find out more information. He didn't want to insert a needle into her rib - the rib with the large bone cancer/deformity - as there would be a chance of it breaking or crumbling.
The bone cancer is in both her ribs, the top part of the spine (which the Dr said has caused two vertebrates to compress and cause nerve pain) It's also in part of her pelvis and her femur.
He thinks the nerve pain in the back is the main pain that Mum is been feeling.

He more or less asked us to watch her for signs of organ failure...... that scared the crap out of me!! The warning was.... if she feels numbness, tingling in her arms or legs, keeps vomiting, doesn't do poo-poop after a couple of days on laxatives, if she feels dazed or confused and if she doesn't wee-wee - and also said if she can't stand on her tip toes, then take her to the ER.

The Dr prescribed more pain medication - which doesn't really seem to be helping a great deal!!
Now she has a concoction of things to remember, and we are all helping her with this.
I have written in black texta which is for which and when she should be taking them. Most of the time someone is with her, which is good.

The poop-poop hasn't really happened properly for 9 days.
Mum has only eaten one proper meal in about 5 days, she is unable to keep food down.
Today she ate 3 icecream wafers and at 10pm I managed to get her to eat a bit of a banana.
I'm worrying :(
She doesn't want to go to the hospital, because she knows she wouldn't be comfortable as she isn't sleeping well at all - mostly an hour at a time, two to three tops! I also think she is scared that she might not come out of the hospital, and she doesn't want to die there!
Amy and I have been trying to get her to eat something, so at least if she is sick she will have something inside to come out.
If the nausea hasn't settled tomorrow and the laxatives (& enema!!) haven't worked, I think it will be necessary that we take her to the hospital.

I wanted to share some pictures -

This is my favourite picture of me with my parents as a child

Here's us girls - a pic from a few years back.
left to right: Amy, Me, Mum & Bec

This photo below, is from about a year ago. I was trying out my 'macro' on my camera, and this is my Mum's finger modelling her beautiful ring - On Wednesday my Mum gifted me a beautiful owl ornament (you know I love owls right?) and it opens up and inside was this ring :)
All sparkly and as beautiful as her.

19 October 2009

WTF Next?

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
This is one of my art cards that I 'connect' with this post.

I don't know where to start on this post...... so I will just say it simply.

My Mum is not well.
If there's one thing we can't do without it's our Mums!!

I'm hurting, I feel terrible, I feel numb, I feel exhausted......... and I'm worried about everyone's well being (My own included)

I'm trying SO hard to be postive, to stay in the moment and not let my thoughts wander too far into the land of 'what if's & whens'

I'm trying hard to be strong - for my Mum, for my beautiful daughters, for my H - because he has wanted me to be happy and not to hurt (physically & emotionally) so badly for a long time now......... and now this!!

As you might know from previous posts, my Mum is often quite depressed and a bit (cough) negative at times. The poor thing has been suffering a lot of pain lately and the Dr's told her it was most likely a pulled muscle. This has been going on for months!!
Probably, her own pain, anxiety and fear would explain her reactions that day of my previous post

(which now I feel terrible about - but my own constant pain and frustration explains that)

The thing is, last week I was so frustrated & upset seeing My Mum being in pain, while also being in pain myself, and nothing working that gave My mum any relief (panadeine forte, panadol osteo, mersyndol) - that I told her to go back to the Dr and demand the Dr for some further tests.

So the Dr agreed and sent her for a bone scan to check. My Mum is 72 btw.

Turns out by the bone scan results said that it is highly likely that Mum has 'metastatic bone disease'.!!!!!!! Which means secondary cancer in the bones that has spread from somewhere else in her body. Now, it's more tests trying to find out where - and what is going to happen. Or the 'treatment' etc etc So now we wait for oncology appointments, and probably more tests.

Today Mum had to have a mammogram, as the most common cancer that spreads to the bones if undetected, is Breast Cancer - the mammogram hasn't been reported on properly yet, but the nurse and dr, said it looked clear and normal - so now we just wait for the oncology to ring us (an urgent appt has been requested, but this could take over a week!!! )
Knowing my mum's lung conditions - (Pulmonary fibrosis, emphysema & Interstitial pneumonia)
if their is a main cancer, then the most likely thing could be Lung cancer - but thyroid cancer is also a common cancer to spread to the bones, as is kidney cancer. So we wait....... we watch her in pain.

I see sleeping tablets not working, tramadol maximum dosage allowed not working, mersyndol, panadeine forte - nothing is making Mum comfortable!! This itself is worrying me knowing it might be bone cancer. IF it is bone cancer (I say "if" with my own head doubts) then isn't it possible that it has already progressed during the last few months during trips back and forth to the Drs??? This is a bad thing, a bad thought :( But, I'm trying to be rational, logical.

I'm finding myself already angry (maybe pre-emptively) that the Dr's didn't be more thorough, because they could have robbed us of some special time!

It's a horrible waiting game just to find out exactly what is going on, what is going to be next, the likelihood of treatment helping - if it can, or not. Etc Etc

The bones affected are her 6th, 7th, 8th ribs - both sides, a few vertebrates in her thoracic region, her pelvis & also her femur.

This is not looking good is it?

15 October 2009

Frida Kahlo - My painting

This is my Frida - I really like her.
She put on such a brave face when she could.
I am so connected to her - her life story is incredible!

If you don't know about her - visit here

I hope you like my Frida painting.

Thank you for visiting, I'm off to visit a friend now....... have fun!


12 October 2009

Frida Kahlo

Today I found some wonderful images of Frida, I also found this post on Memos to Mom's blog - It explains a lot!

Now I am inspired to draw (well try to) Frida Kahlo....

Here's some Frida pics.....

I have always felt connected to Frida, just because I knew she suffered a lot of pain.
It is now believed that after her horrific accident, she suffered from Fibromyalgia - so another way I can truly 'connect' with her....... it sucks, the poor thing endured so much in her life, and her art depicted it.

10 October 2009

Sketches in progress

Another two quick sketches last night.

The first - Molly, is feminine and buxom :) and likes to show off her curves!

The second - Pride, is not so feminine - she's lesbian and prefers to play down her curves.

It was challenging to get the body shape different for the lesbian, as I'm getting used to drawing shapely, feminine girls. This was a lead into drawing males - one thing I haven't attempted yet. I find the girls so much more fun!


8 October 2009

Paintings and sneek peek at commissioned piece

Here's a sneek peek at my commissioned "mermaid" I hope you like her. I'm wondering what to do on her tail - glitter, sparkles, bling, gills?

Here's another of my sketches painted two different ways :)

Thank you for visiting :)

5 October 2009

Random mix of new-ish works & a weird photo!

Here's some more random pics of recent creativity.
I scanned tonight. YAY!
I hope to be making some new art cards (aceo's & atc's) from the new sketches.
Check out the girl in the 'I dream of painting' atc - I think she looks like me!!

My ELDA sketch, painted and grunged :)
You may remember 'Elda' from my previous post Pencil out the Pain

"I dream of painting"
Look at her, she really looks like me!

This is a little weird.. I don't remember where the pic in this atc came from, so if you know please point me in the right direction so I can credit it. (and maybe find out who she was!!) ADDED: I found it, the picture is from Lisasaltered art collage sheet - Slides #5... I have emailed to let her know this spooky coincidence!
The weird thing, is that this pic reminded me so much of myself.... I mean the actual girl LOOKS like me as a kid!! So I showed Craig and he didn't believe I had got the photo from somewhere else - he thought I had used a picture of myself and added the clothing.

Secret Promise
Some weird happenings going on in this one! Just what is a secret promise? A promise that you don't actual give and therefore don't commit to. Or is it something you promise but don't ever follow through on? Sigh - I've experienced TOO many of those!! Yes, it is the ruin of them!
(I'm talking about men of course)

A couple of new sketches
I will be making some cards with her soon, oh and painting them I hope.


Who are you dressing up as?

These three cards were made with collage and rubber stamp combination, I stamped into hot white Embossing powder. Collaged the bodies and then added some inking, text and rub-ons.

I really do hope that trust will heal my wounds!

I got a little bit of anger releasing during the process of this card - yup, I scribbled and scrubbed and let some of it out....... ahhh it feels good to release with art :)

He wore curious clothes
I have no idea what I was thinking during the making of this atc! I liked the unusual image and I guess I thought he looked somewhat noble :)

That's it for now - It's 12.22am and time for me to take my sleeping pills and wait for them to kick in....... see you soon,



Life with confidence

I found a site, with some links to 'gratitude' and more, like this E-Book for $10
take a peek...

Life With Confidence

Practical information on building confidence in yourself, your work and your personal relationships with free articles, activities, ideas, quotes. Confidence tips, tricks and strategies that actually work and don't just try to sell you high priced products.

2 October 2009

Drumroll Please............. and the winner is


The winner from my previous post Reality Check is ......................................


Congratulations Betty, if you email me your postal address, I will get one of my art cards in the mail for you :)

Thank you to everyone who commented, your comments were very valuable and so appreciated!

Hugs xo