20 October 2010

Tonight I spent some time going over some 'old' things from the last affair he had..... it was quite an eye opener.. nothing has changed... well nothing that needed to change has changed!!

Here's a poem I found that I had saved back in 2004........... when I discovered his 1st affair.

The Chair
I feel like that old torn-up and battered chair you see turned on it's side at the edge of the road. I was discarded there as if I had no value...just a useless piece of trash. He found himself another chair...one that was fresher...one that was more comfortable...one that could make him feel good. One that didn’t complain! He tried this chair out, he liked it so much that he used it over and over again, until this same chair also began to feel too comfortable, too boring. Someone told me about his other chair and then he finally admitted he had found another. Now he has finally begun his journey searching for the chair he left on the side of the road. He has gently picked it up and brought it home. After being left in the elements for so long it is not quite the same, but he doesn't mind. Hopefully he will tenderly clean it and try to restore it. It is not strong enough to hold him now, but that's OK. He will derive pleasure from working to make it whole, so that one day he can again sit in the most beautiful, comfortable chair in the world and hopefully that chair will be strong enough to hold him, to wrap it’s arms around him and make him feel safe. Otherwise it will rot wherever it rests.

Once again I feel like the discarded chair......... only this time, I don't think he will be able to 'restore' it, for it has been too badly damaged.

16 October 2010

A short poem by me for me

My poem for today. -

"I need an angel of my own today to take away the pain, to remove all the heartache & to keep me sane. An Angel of truth to hit HIM on the head, to take away all my frustrations and the dread. I hate the way I feel and the angry bitch that I've become, I want to turn it all off, and just become numb."

13 October 2010

Crystals & Pearls Dangly Bracelet Tutorial

TUTORIAL by Lorri Lennox

Today I made this - Here's a step by step, quick tutorial, basic beading experience necessary :)

Materials required:

  • Jewellery Pliers, assorted including round nose for creating loops
  • Scissors for cutting stretch elastic
  • Strong jewellery glue for gluing ends of elastic once cut
  • Stretch Elastic Cord
  • Jump Rings (your colour choice) - 4mm & 6mm
  • Headpins
  • Pearls - (your colour choice) 12mm x 10
  • Pearls (smaller ones) 6mm x 10
  • Crystals - Round - 6mm x 10 of one colour, 6mm x 10 of contrast colour
  • Crystals - Bicone x 20 - 4mm your colour choice

Add a headpin & create a loop (as shown) on all the individual 6mm crystals.
20 crystals in total...

Add headpins & form loops on the 10 x 6mm pearls.
Add the larger 6mm jump rings to the loops created.

Each crystal and pearl should now look like this -

Using the smaller 4mm Jump rings, Open them and connect one of each contrasting crystal and one of the pearls to it. Make sure you connect through the larger jump ring on the pearl so the pearl hangs lower than the crystals. Continue this process with the rest of the crystals and pearls, therefore creating 10 sets of 3 danglies.

Gather your 4mm bicone crystals together, Get your stretch elastic ready, Ream the larger pearls to ensure easier threading through the elastic, and gather your danglies...

Begin threading onto the elastic in the following order - a large pearl (note I changed colour here)
followed by a 4mm bicone crystal, followed by a 3 set dangly, followed by a 4mm bicone crystal.

REPEAT until all your crystals, pearls and danglies are threaded as such -

Tie the elastic ends together securely, I do 4 knots and pull very tightly, being careful not to break the elastic (quality counts!!) Add a little strong glue to the knot. Cut off elastic ends.

Wear with a smile :)

I hope you enjoyed my little tutorial, I had fun making this today :)

Lorri xo

9 October 2010

Blog Link

A dear online friend of mine, Rochelle has a blog called Married to Mr Mean - this latest post, "Why do abuse victims blame themselves" I do feel was prompted by the situation I am facing with Craig and my recent Facebook post and comments.

I have posted my reply, explaining the situation with Craig as it stands at the moment.

Take a peek, it's an interesting and thought provoking perspective :)

Married to Mr Mean

5 October 2010

One day rolls into the next

I've been trying to keep busy making jewellery for an upcoming fair...... but the recent events still shock me........ still hurt to my core.

it hurts like hell.............
I'm still so angry - at BOTH of THEM!!
I just can't believe it all.
It's a saga, an ongoing saga.
I try to build myself each day, and each day I cry.
Sunday I sobbed and cried pretty much the entire day!

Yesterday I made a tutu skirt for the table with Bec - well half of it with Bec. I finished it last night.

Today I am going to try to make more jewellery, perhaps I should journal or finish some of my paintings - but I have a big mess around my table, and can't find the energy needed to tidy up. So it's easier to do the jewellery at this point.

My head hurts quite frequently..... stress? crying? mentally being obsessed with crap? anxiety?
Who knows, but I'm over it....

I want to run away - I need FAITH, I need to breathe! I need motivation.

Perhaps I should photograph the pretty things I've made, even that will take me forever and I just can't find the motivation!

Maybe later......

For now, I just sigh.