19 October 2009

WTF Next?

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
This is one of my art cards that I 'connect' with this post.

I don't know where to start on this post...... so I will just say it simply.

My Mum is not well.
If there's one thing we can't do without it's our Mums!!

I'm hurting, I feel terrible, I feel numb, I feel exhausted......... and I'm worried about everyone's well being (My own included)

I'm trying SO hard to be postive, to stay in the moment and not let my thoughts wander too far into the land of 'what if's & whens'

I'm trying hard to be strong - for my Mum, for my beautiful daughters, for my H - because he has wanted me to be happy and not to hurt (physically & emotionally) so badly for a long time now......... and now this!!

As you might know from previous posts, my Mum is often quite depressed and a bit (cough) negative at times. The poor thing has been suffering a lot of pain lately and the Dr's told her it was most likely a pulled muscle. This has been going on for months!!
Probably, her own pain, anxiety and fear would explain her reactions that day of my previous post

(which now I feel terrible about - but my own constant pain and frustration explains that)

The thing is, last week I was so frustrated & upset seeing My Mum being in pain, while also being in pain myself, and nothing working that gave My mum any relief (panadeine forte, panadol osteo, mersyndol) - that I told her to go back to the Dr and demand the Dr for some further tests.

So the Dr agreed and sent her for a bone scan to check. My Mum is 72 btw.

Turns out by the bone scan results said that it is highly likely that Mum has 'metastatic bone disease'.!!!!!!! Which means secondary cancer in the bones that has spread from somewhere else in her body. Now, it's more tests trying to find out where - and what is going to happen. Or the 'treatment' etc etc So now we wait for oncology appointments, and probably more tests.

Today Mum had to have a mammogram, as the most common cancer that spreads to the bones if undetected, is Breast Cancer - the mammogram hasn't been reported on properly yet, but the nurse and dr, said it looked clear and normal - so now we just wait for the oncology to ring us (an urgent appt has been requested, but this could take over a week!!! )
Knowing my mum's lung conditions - (Pulmonary fibrosis, emphysema & Interstitial pneumonia)
if their is a main cancer, then the most likely thing could be Lung cancer - but thyroid cancer is also a common cancer to spread to the bones, as is kidney cancer. So we wait....... we watch her in pain.

I see sleeping tablets not working, tramadol maximum dosage allowed not working, mersyndol, panadeine forte - nothing is making Mum comfortable!! This itself is worrying me knowing it might be bone cancer. IF it is bone cancer (I say "if" with my own head doubts) then isn't it possible that it has already progressed during the last few months during trips back and forth to the Drs??? This is a bad thing, a bad thought :( But, I'm trying to be rational, logical.

I'm finding myself already angry (maybe pre-emptively) that the Dr's didn't be more thorough, because they could have robbed us of some special time!

It's a horrible waiting game just to find out exactly what is going on, what is going to be next, the likelihood of treatment helping - if it can, or not. Etc Etc

The bones affected are her 6th, 7th, 8th ribs - both sides, a few vertebrates in her thoracic region, her pelvis & also her femur.

This is not looking good is it?


  1. Lorri I am so sad reading this. The C word is the scariest word!! I agree about the doubt in Dr's and how thouroughly they investigate things, from past experiences. I hope you get a miracle and mum is going to get good news. Mums are so special, my thoughts are with you and your family, think positive( easier to say than do I know) xoxo

  2. Oh I feel so bad for you and your family especially your mum. The best you can do is be there and love her heaps. Hold her hand and tell her that you love her. She will understand and during that time hopefully they can sort out what is going on and fix her. It is amazing the cures for illnesses that are around today, so stay positive. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Hugs Elizabeth

  3. My heart goes out to you and your family Lori. I will put you on my prayer list sweetie.

  4. Lorri, I am so sorry for you and your family. I will say some prayers for you all.

  5. Stunned is the honest feelings I have right now on your news. We all know the lack of ability the Dr's really have in our country when it comes to being able to diagnose and act fast on matters like this, we all hear of it every day and it is becoming a very scary reality. I pray that in this instance time is on your side and please know that those around you will step in and help however we can.

  6. All of your thoughts and feelings are perfectly justified given what you've just described, but that doesn't make it easier when we know a loved one is suffering or that perhaps more could be done. You and she are in my thoughts and prayers Lorri - for comfort and healing and peace.

  7. How very sad, Lorri! I will be adding your Mum to my prayers with additional prayers for you and your family. Give your anxiety and fears to God - He is with you no matter what happens.

    Love U!

  8. Stay strong, dear friend! I was so saddened to hear all that you and your mum have been going through: doctors, waiting, pain and more worry! Dan & I will add you ALL to our prayers tonight... such a wonderful thing about SHARING our lives in blogland... that the more prayers you have going for you ~ THE BETTER! So we will hold you close in our thoughts and know the perfect outcome is being planned for her. That much I know for sure, even if we don't understand it right now. So release your fears and your concerns and just make sure you tell her how much you love her. I know you're already making sure she's getting the best care. Let that be a comfort to you my lovely "sister."

    We are connected, though far apart! Miles can't separate our hearts! (it rhymes!)

    - xox

  9. I am so sad to read this Lori, my heart goes out to you. All you can do is be there for her, and have faith things will be ok. I know I would be devastated if anything like this was happening to my mother.
    I will keep you both in my prayers

  10. Both you and your mum are in my thoughts Lorri. I know it must be so hard at the moment, but I hope you can find time to enjoy each other.


  11. Wow! This is my first time at your blog and I'm a follower for sure now. I will keep you in my prayers as you process your Mom's health situation. I am very close to my Mom and I know how I'd feel if I were in the same situation. My Mom did have breast cancer a few years ago and thankfully came through with flying colors. It's a scary time for sure; hang in there!

    I also have fibromyalgia. I read your post on the guaifinesin (sp?) and have heard of that therapy but don't know of anyone who's actually tried it. My symptoms have been very manageable the last few years and I am able to work full-time. I have bad days and worse days but for the most part I can handle the pain fairly well. I do have a secretarial position and do not have to do any type of lifting or excessive physical activity.

    I hope you receive good news soon regarding your Mom. I want you to know that I am truly thinking about you and praying for you and your family. I'll definitely be visiting your blog quite often!

  12. I just stummbled along your blog and read your post and just want to tell you your in my thougts. A terrible disease- you must be very scared. I hope your mum get through this. I recognise the Pulmonary fibrosis as my husband has just been diagnosed with this (he is 50) and thir not sure what has caused it, either asbetos or something else.

    Keep strong !


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