20 September 2010

More just More of the same

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~

Craig has told me this so far, about his affair - the following are HIS words!!

The Jiffy Slut, means NOTHING to me.
She is disgusting.
Sex was awful.
She is ugly and No oil painting.
I felt sick every time I fucked her.
I wanted to keep her QUIET
I told her what she wanted to hear.
I let her believe what she wanted to believe.
She has no Morals (like me)
We are both lying, cheating people, and that's all we have in common.
I told her I was looking forward to seeing her in text messages.
I told her I looked forward to kissing her - so she thought I was interested in her, to keep her happy so she would be silent!
I was petrified of losing you Lorri, of you finding out and hurting you.
I gave her the impression we would not be together much longer or in the future.
I told her we were just like 'flatmates'.
I don't even like her. 
I didn't want to be with her, I wanted it all to stop, but was trapped and dug a deeper hole.
It was a pathetic EGO boost, because she wanted me.
I don't care about her at all, she can rot.
It started in November, when your Mum was sick.
I didn't screw her until after My own Mum died a few months later.
I saw her after work, I told you I was working until 5.30 but finished at 3.30.
I last had sex with her after the last softball meeting on that Wednesday night, It disgusted me.

I saw her on Thursday 9th September when leaving work because I was sick in the stomach after seeing the pain and heartache in you the night before.  I know I said I wouldn't see her again, but she turned the Jiffy Van around and followed me so I stopped. She came to the car window, and told her everything was lies, all of it was lies. I told her I didn't want to see or hear from her again.
She said "I don't believe this Craig, I just don't believe this... what about everything we had between us?" - I told her the truth, that it was all lies, everything was a lie.
I felt relieved that it was done, finished ended.

I love you, still am IN love with you. I care about you and am so very sorry.  He cried his eyes out, sobbed like a baby....

He said he knows he has a compulsive lying problem.

"I am sorry"
"I beg your forgiveness"
"I don't deserve you"
"You are worth more than me"
"I love you"
 "I was never enough for you and I have never deserved you"
"Is there anything I can do to 'fix' this?"


  1. Lorri, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I had to comment because I have been there. Albeit it was when I and "the cheater" were very young, but I'm not sure that makes a difference. I caught him in the act and he said many of the same thing you listed in this post. I ended up taking him back, moving in with him and it was all a waste of my time because he just did it to me again. I'm not telling you what to do, but I thought you would like to hear my story. I hope everything works out for the best. You are a special and strong person and you deserve to be happy. Good luck to you.

  2. O Lorri!
    I'm so sorry. I don't know how much time you have invested in this relationship, but I gotta tell you, move on. I heard nearly the exact same thing in my time and it never got better... Once he feels you give in, he knows he's got you and will do it again and again...

    You deserve better than this Lorri! Especially when he talks about the disgust, but then says he saw her again! This just raises my blood pressure! lol...

    I shouldn't tell you what to do, but I was there too... many years ago... Life is better than this... can't trust, can't have a truly loving relationship, yeah?

  3. I was there too. And while it got better at times it always went back to the shit.

    I taught him that he could treat me like that by allowing him to.
    He also told me he was a liar....so how could I believe all the nice things he told me? When he said he loved me, I had to ask myself....is this also a lie? He told me it meant nothing each time....then why? It HAD to mean SOMETHING.
    I was teaching my kids that it was okay to let someone lie to you, that it was ok to degrade myself by staying with someone who was putting me through hell.
    My daughter now has relationship issues and never invests herself for fear of getting hurt.

    I was also not there like I should have been for my kids because of all the crap that I was wrapped up in, totally not fair to them.

    The day I finally said "ENOUGH" for the last time is the day I started living again. We are better apart than together and he is married to someone else now and she is going through pure hell. However, she keeps taking him back.

    Thank goodness I left before I got any older, and am with the love of my life now.

    Take care of yourself, cause he never will.
    Hugs and prayers to you.


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